homeless

Katie updated her facebook status yesterday. Something about the coast. I got to thinking about the coast- Wilmington to be specific. She lived there last year. I went and visited.... and loved. My Jeff lives there- and he loves as well. Lots of love for Wilmington.

THE BEACH.

Just somewhere different.

I've lived here for... basically my entire life. I don't remember Arizona- all I think about when I think of home is here.

When college time came around last year, I wanted to stay. So I did. And I loved. And I still think I might love. Just not like I used to love.

There is too much of my past here- not in an emo way at all- it's just true. I would love to be somewhere new. To have a fresh start. With new people and new places and new roads and new shopping centers. Then I think about it- I am terrified to leave. Terrified that there is one person, one thing, that I would disappoint. No one in particular, but that's just me. I have got to stop worrying about someone else and making sure they are happy. I mean, I guess that is good, but I can't live my life for other people. Deep down, I know that.

I'm completely and utterly torn. I love it here, and I hate it here. I love what here- what HOME- used to mean to me. Unfortunately, this thing that's been going on recently- this stupid ex boyfriend and basically ex life- has made it more like jail. I am suffocating here. Is it bad that I almost would tolerate being suffocated for the rest of college? Probably.

It's not that I don't want to move, because I do. I will just need a push. Or maybe a drag. And that's where the lovely Miss Katie comes in , right? :)