inside your heart

So I can't stop thinking about equality. It's just seemingly always on my mind. I mean the idea of gender, race, religion/belief, sexuality etc. Equality? Yes. But I think I also mean equality in your heart.

How you think of someone, how you love someone...even if you hate them. The golden rule is a shining example of what I mean- "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

How many of us are guilty of breaking this rule over and over again on a daily basis?

You may think: "I haven't hurt anyone today; I haven't been mean to them or hurt them at all." And that very well may be true, maybe you haven't said a mean word to their face, or even behind their back. But what about to yourself?

Have you secretly wished your beautiful friend wouldn't get that guy because you're jealous? Have you said "I'm so happy for you!" to your friend for their accomplishment but secretly thought "You didn't deserve it..." Have you tried to break down your brother/sister/best friend/girlfriend/boyfriend because something in you wanted to see them as less than they are? Have you walked by a stranger and criticized their looks? Have you quickly judged a person you've never met and decided you disliked them so much, that you thought of them so hurtfully, that it could be confused with hate? If someone could hear your thoughts, would you be horrified at the things you think? Could half of your self talk about someone else be seen as hate, if anyone else could hear you?

Hate starts in our hearts, in our minds, in our thoughts.

I know, I've done it more than I'd like to admit to myself.

I almost feel like its worse than being mean to someone's face.

What good is a compliment out loud if behind it is a mind of hurtful thoughts?

I'm not talking about the whole aspect of being dishonest and "fake"- that's an entirely different discussion.What I'm really worried about is the goodness in the heart.

I've done my fair share of hateful/hurtful thinking, both quietly to myself, and out loud. I am not in any way excusing myself.

But when inside there is ugly, it's only a matter of time before the outside is the same.

Nurturing a hurtful, hateful heart is the breeding ground for a person willing to be hurtful and hateful.

No longer is it just a derogatory thought about a stranger. Maybe now it's a derogatory comment. Then maybe its a derogatory facebook wall post. Then what if one day it escalates into something everyone looks back on and says "I can't even believe that happened."We all have a conscience. We do. We all know that feeling of harboring anger and jealousy. That heavy feeling that comes from wanting to dislike someone. That burden of hoping for the worst for them. That guilt when we think those thoughts, or what's even worse...the guilt when something bad actually happens.

It's amazing how willing we are to disregard someone's feelings; to think horrible things about them, or even say horrible things about them until something horrible actually happens. Then there is some shift in us: some guilt, some repentance, some sadness for what we said. Suddenly we feel so sorry for them and so sorry for what we thought or said.



The classic story I heard all through high school to remind me of where my heart should be goes like this:

A woman and her two children climb onto a crowded bus. The woman looks a bit of a mess, a little frazzled. Her two little kids are being unruly: yelling and screaming. They continue to throw fits, toss items and misbehave. After a 15 minute bus ride the man in front has grown tired of the constant whining, the yelling, and the feet kicking the back of his seat. He's thinking she's some irresponsible woman who couldn't care less about what her kids do. Finally he turns around and with an angry face yells to the woman, "Can you get your little brats under control?? I've been putting up with this for the entire ride! It's a public bus! Have some freaking courtesy to the people around you! What kind of mother are you to just let them carry on like that?!" The mother looked up, eyes bloodshot and welling with tears. She quietly says: "Im sorry, their father just passed away. We just came from the hospital and I just don't know what to do."
The man's stomach immediately dropped and he muttered an apology then quickly turned around and nearly cries over how horrible he feels.

In a single moment he went from being angry, thinking horrible things about this woman, feeling justified in his annoyance, to being overcome with empathy and the guilt that comes from not only being wrong, but also being hurtful. That single moment shifted everything for him.

I wish we could all keep that story in mind, when we want to hate someone. When we feel justified in thinking badly...for allowing hate into our hearts.

We all have a story.

And maybe the person we are thought-bashing really is a bad person, maybe they've done something awful. Maybe so. But what good does it do us to fill ourselves with hate too? To darken our hearts just as theirs has been darkened?

Hate breeds hate.

Love breeds love.

A hateful heart has led to many bad things.

A hate-filled and spiteful heart lived and breathed in a man who eventually led to the deaths of millions of Jews.

I could go on and on.

Now I'm not saying every bad thought we have will cause a holocaust, a bombing, or a murder. But why can't just knowing we are being hurtful and not loving be enough?

Why does something have to happen before someone wonders why?

Why not just be happy for someone- want the best for them and think good thoughts.

You control your thoughts and you can make yourself love if you really want to.

There is definitely a power in positive thinking.

Hate breeds hate.

Love breeds love.


Love in whatever capacity you can. If it means stopping the nasty thoughts and choosing instead to think something nice. If it means holding your tongue when they've provoked you with angry words, and instead give back kindness. If it means "not watering the weeds" and no longer talking about it, or thinking in excess about it. If it means fighting your own anger, and being the bigger person and trying your damnedest to be nice.

It's the way you get to forgiveness. It's the way you get out of self-pity, victimization, and negativity.

Even if they don't get to a good place too, at least your heart is getting stronger.

At least you are out from under the clouds, and now you can be in the sunshine.