Things have been a little bit crazy as of late. I'm pretty much working every day (which is a struggle in and of itself) and trying to do school like it should have been done in the first place. I want Bekah to live here with me because I love her and I miss her a lot. Nobody treats her well at Charlotte and she doesn't belong there. I feel like an awful friend because I can't go down there every time she is crying and needs me- simply because I don't have the money. I want to be there for her- I want to be there for all of my friends. I thought I lost Bekah for the longest time- just because we were not really keeping in touch... and now I feel like I'm losing Katie. I never talk to her ever. I thought she was coming home this weekend, but I guess she decided to go see Matt instead. Kinda sucks, though. I was planning on surprising her with a fun dinner or something. Whatever. I'm glad I have Bekah back, but I hope I'm not losing Katie. That would be the worst thing probably ever.
Oakley died last Friday. My mom texted me and told me to call her when I got her text. She was crying and I knew something was up. She said they had to put Oakley down. He hasn't been eating well at all recently and he went down to the woods that are behind our house- because apparently dogs go away when they are about to die (which I like to think is for our sakes)- and when my mom went to get him, he couldn't get up because of his hip displaysia. My mom had to put him on a tarp and drag him up the hill and into the car. She said he looked so sad and in a lot of pain. At first I was really upset that my mom didn't call me to come say bye to him... but I think it would have broken my heart in half. I remember him being happy and so excited to see me the last time I went home (just to see him of course)- and that's exactly how I want to remember him. Man oh man, it sucks that he is gone. I miss him. Everything about him. Mama said that when they put him down, he looked thankful. I'm so glad I wasn't there for that. They cut off some of his hair and put a blue ribbon around it for us to keep. I used to think that people cared too much about their pets. I don't anymore. It sucks though, that Oakley had to die for me to realize that I love him a whole whole whole lot. More that I ever thought, really. I miss you baby boy. February 10, 2000- February 15, 2008.
I've been thinking about everything lately. Seriously, anything you can imagine. I've probably thought about it recently.
I want someone to take me fishing. I want to sit on the edge of a pier with someone extraordinary and maybe drink some wine or something. I'll probably just settle for sparkling cider, though.
I love Q-tips. They for real keep your ears clean.
When I have lots of money and my own house, I want a candle room. Seriously with like a million candles everywhere. It will be beautifully fantastic.
It's becoming more and more apparent to me that the world isn't an awful place. More like a beautiful mess.
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